I sometimes love a good cry. It feels good to really cry sometimes and just let your emotions out. I recently had an episode in which I cried in public, at the Starbucks that I go to all the time.
I was sitting here, working on some projects for class, when all of a sudden a man walked in who reminded me of my father. I’d seen this man before, but I never made the connection until I was sitting here, feeling oddly vulnerable. It could be the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he ordered his drink, the way he sat and stared at people, it could be a whole lot of different things.
But for some reason, he reminded me so much of my father that I started crying at Starbucks. Like, out and out crying, tears streaming down my face. I tried to hide it as best as I could, by wiping my face with napkins, pretending I was sniffly and had to blow my nose and by hiding my shame under my hoodie. Why was I was so ashamed of my tears? It’s not like I was crying over something petty like a broken nail or a hurt foot, this was emotion from the deepest part of your soul – tears for a lost loved one.
Eventually the tears went away, but I was affected by it for the rest of the day. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels awkward when they see someone cry. Though I consider myself a caring person, when I see someone crying, I never really know how to handle the situation, so I tend to stand there awkwardly and just say “it’ll be okay…”. Why do we feel this awkwardness around emotion?
I think that sometimes we are scared at having people become aware of our own emotions, so we get scared when others are freely expressing themselves in public – we question why they are doing it. It might be some form of jealousy – we are jealous of the fact that they are willing to be themselves in public and let others see their true selves. Crying and the expression of emotion tends to show the world that we are vulnerable people and by showing our vulnerability, we worry that others will take advantage of us.
Personally, I don’t care if people see me cry. I’m a sloppy crier sometimes, but I generally tend to be very reserved in my tears. There are times when I force myself to cry, because it acts as a form of catharsis for me. Despite my exploding Facebook feed, I do tend to keep my emotions hidden from others – the Facebook chatter tends to be hollow. My true emotions are hidden from most people….but that’s the subject for another blog post later on.